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Clean Jokes For Christians

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WipeJokes For ChristiansWipeJokes Compiled By: Steve Shirley      There is a quote by John Calvin which says, "We are nowhere forbidden to laugh." Sometimes, we just need a good laugh; so here is my struggle to help with that. Following are some silly (clean) jokes I have heard or read over the years. I don't know who first told them, but if someone deserves credit, please let me know and I will requite them due credit. (***Note: For some humor in the Bible, you can go here.) A new restaurant opened on the moon. The supplies is good, but there is no atmosphere. Did you hear well-nigh the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. Did you hear well-nigh the paper boy? He blew away. I'm going outside to stand, so if anyone asks, I'm outstanding. I know some jokes well-nigh unemployment, but they need work. A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says: "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw." My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. Did you hear well-nigh the Italian doughboy who died? He pasta way. You never sausage a tragic thing.It was so sad that he ran out of thyme. His legacy will wilt a pizza history. ____________________ Q: What did the duck say to the bartender? A: Put it on my bill. ____________________ Q: What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A: One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. ____________________ Q: How do you make an egg roll? A: You push it. ____________________ Q: What did the horse say when it fell down? A: I've fallen and I can't giddy up. ____________________ Q: Why did the stadium get hot without the game? A: Because all the fans left. ____________________ Q: What dog keeps the weightier time? A: A watch dog. ____________________ Q: What do you undeniability 10 rabbits marching backwards? A: A receding hare line. ____________________ Q: How do you stop a manful from charging? A: Take yonder his credit card. ____________________ Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? A: It was two tired. ____________________ Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? A: Bison. ____________________ Q: Why do bakers work so hard? A: Because they want to make a lot of dough. ____________________ Q: Why did the archaeologist go bankrupt? A: Because his career was in ruins. ____________________ Q: What do you undeniability a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer. ____________________ Q: How do you make antifreeze? A: You steal her blanket. ____________________ Q: How do you make a goldfish age? A: Take out the "g." ____________________ Q: What word is unchangingly spelled wrong in the dictionary? A: Wrong. ____________________ Q: What do you undeniability two fat people having a chat? A: A heavy discussion. ____________________ Q: What did one hat say to another? A: You stay here, I'll go on a head. ____________________ Q: What do you requite to a sick lemon? A: Lemon aid. ____________________ Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? A: I don't know and I don't care. ____________________ Q: What do you undeniability a withstand with no socks on? A: Bare foot. ____________________ Q: What store do dogs refuse to go to? A: The flea market. ____________________ Q: What belongs to you, but others use more? A: Your name. ____________________ Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? A: I think I'm coming lanugo with something. ____________________ Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot. ____________________ Q: What kind of sawed-off won't unbutton? A: A bellybutton. ____________________ Q: Why did the man with one hand navigate the road? A: To get to the second hand shop. ____________________ Q: What did one plate say to the other? A: Dinners on me. ____________________ Q: Why do fish unchangingly know how much they weigh? A: They have scales. ____________________ Q: Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye-shadow to school? A: She had a make-up exam. ____________________ Q: What do John The Baptist and Winnie The Pooh have in common? A: Their middle names. ____________________ Q: How do you skiver a circus act? A: Go for the juggler. ____________________ Q: What do you undeniability a fairy that doesn't take a bath? A: Stinkerbell. ____________________ Q: What do you undeniability a cow with no legs? A: Ground beef. ____________________ Q: What did the tree do surpassing his road trip? A: He packed his trunk. ____________________ Q: What did one tree in the military say to the other? A: What workshop are you in?        Some car jokes my daughter and I made up while on a road trip. Q: What did the old car say when the young car wanted him to work? A: I'm re-tired. ____________________ Q: What did one car say to the other when it tried to trick him? A: You can't fuel me. ____________________ Q: What did one car say to the other when it was tired of their relationship? A: I need a brake. ____________________ Q: What road does a car take when it doesn't like to pay tolls? A: The freeway. ____________________ Q: What kind of jelly does a car hate most? A: Traffic jam. ____________________ Q: Where did the car go when it couldn't pay its rent? A: The streets. ____________________ Q: What did the car say when it was falling apart? A: I'm having a breakdown. ____________________ Q: What does a car say when it is tired? A: I'm exhausted. ____________________ Q: What did one car say to the other without it made its move? A: U-turn. ____________________ Q: What does a car like to watch on tv? A: Car-toons. ____________________ Q: What did the car pray for when it needed direction? A: A sign. ____________________ Q: What happened when the car crush by the gas station? A: It passed gas. (credit Lia)      End of road trip jokes. ____________________ I ate a clock. It was time consuming. ____________________ I unwittingly swallowed a handful of Scrabble tiles. My next exenterate movement could spell disaster. ____________________Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Of course, the Empire State Building can't jump. ____________________ Q: What do you undeniability a sleep-walking nun? A: A roamin' Catholic. ____________________ Q: Why should you knock surpassing opening the refrigerator door? A: There might be a salad dressing. ____________________ Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye? A: Between you and me something smells. ____________________ Two goldfish are in a tank: one looks at the other and says, "You know how to momentum this thing?" ____________________ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. ____________________ A velocipede in town keeps running me over. It's a vicious cycle. ____________________ Past, present, and future walked into a room. It was tense. ____________________ "I" surpassing "e" except without "c" disproved by science. ____________________ I'm terrified of elevators, and I'm taking steps to stave them. ____________________ If ignorance is bliss, there should be increasingly happy people. ____________________ Alligators can grow up to 20 feet, but most grow only 4. ____________________ My fear of moving stairs is escalating. ____________________ The cashiers virtually here are unchangingly checking me out.   Tweet           Tweet Home: JesusAlive.cc Questions & Answers What The Bible Says About... 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